[ Maybe that's a little harsh. Lexie - Lexie's on her side. But Gwen...Gwen had immediately rushed to defend Flint. Hadn't even heard Kitty's side, not really. And she'd counted on her. She'd really counted on her, really trusted her. So honestly...Honestly, is Lexie even to be trusted, or is she just subtler about it? Quietly planning something else? Or - Or - And what about Nikos? Nikos is liberty-minded, too, but she'd thought that about Flint, and he'd...
She stops dead in her tracks and slumps backwards against a wall. She knows it's dramatic, and that she's being dramatic, but she feels like she just can't take it, that she needs to scream. ]
I don't know. I don't know. It feels like - like everyone's got an agenda, or secrets, and I thought I understood the people here but I guess I don't at all, and I just feel so stupid, Bartimaeus, and I just don't know. There are people who I really thought would help me but they're not, they're siding against me, and I don't know who I can count on except for -
[ Except for you. But that's so stupid, isn't it? ]
[She stops and he draws up short in response, standing there half turned as if caught between the natural desire to keep moving and expect her to buck up and do the same and-- well whatever the opposite of that is, without the impulse to comfort. Yes, yes. It's all very sad.
But also, it's a little novel isn't it? Not the part where she's miserable - let's be honest, humans have an incredible capacity for it -, but the part where they're... well, where they're having a nice conversation about something that doesn't have anything to do with magicians or spirits or what he does or doesn't owe her. Hard for her, maybe, but that's not really his problem now is it?
Poor kid.
The boy shifts all the way back around to face her properly. He stands there in the narrow of the crooked alley and regards her with hands on hips. After a moment in which he allows her to wallow, Bartimaeus says:]
I hate to break it to you, but it sounds like you might have a few agendas and secrets of your own.
[Which probably explains the skeptical look writ large on the boy's face. Nevermind though. Here, he's turning back and making a gesture for her to follow. He has no interest in sulking in this ally. It smells and there are better places to do it.]
Honestly, I don't know why you're surprised. Wars are a nasty business.
Me? I assure you, Kitty, I've always been this charming and clever. Fighting wars has had nothing to do with it.
[But let's not go down this path where they start talking about him again. Don't get him wrong, the initial ego boost is delightful - he's just seen where this ends and would rather avoid it, thank you.]
Like it or not, you can't do this on your own. And frankly, it's a bit egotistical to moan on about it. Maybe if what you wanted was something reasonable like a nice hot fish pie, or to be a hermit in the woods but your agenda [It's a good word.] seems to be rather more far reaching than either of those. And honestly, even the fish pie gets dicey - who's catching that fish, eh? Stroppy London lass like you probably doesn't know the first thing about a hook and line.
[He's wiping tears from his eyes. They don't come naturally, so please appreciate the effort required to both will them into being and brush them away.]
Have you heard anything they talk about? Those people couldn't agree on the color of the sky, much less what they're focused on.
You've lost me. It doesn't sound like any of Corypheus' friends are terribly interested in liberating anyone either. Except for maybe everything in the Fade, but I tell you - that's complete hogwash if I ever heard it.
He might be, but what about his supporters? I've heard he has a-- [snapping fingers, what's the word] an arch spirit at his beck and call. I guarantee that one has a thought or two rattling around in its thick skull.
But we're getting away from the point. The point is, you say that what you want is long term and everything else isn't and that'll be the question that gets asked first by anyone with sense. What makes your thing so special compared to, I don't know, mage rights or something to do with the Chantry. The alienage? What are we crying about this week?
It's what you said to me before. Back in our world. It's - it's not the little things that matter, who's in charge, who's winning which war. Right? It's historical patterns of injustice and warfare. It's - the way that violence just swings back and forth and never really goes away. That's what's actually important. And that's what no one cares about solving.
[He slides her a sidelong look and does not pause in their progress through the switchbacking alleyways and narrow backstreets, but there is some element of re-examination anyway. Is he a little chuffed to find something he'd said off the cuff enshrined so? Well wouldn't you be?]
Yes, I suppose I did say that. It doesn't exactly help keep you from being thrown into some deep dark dungeon though, now does it? Not that it seems like that Artemaeus [Ugh. He hates that.] is having such a hard time of it.
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I don't trust any of them.
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What - none of them?
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[ Maybe that's a little harsh. Lexie - Lexie's on her side. But Gwen...Gwen had immediately rushed to defend Flint. Hadn't even heard Kitty's side, not really. And she'd counted on her. She'd really counted on her, really trusted her. So honestly...Honestly, is Lexie even to be trusted, or is she just subtler about it? Quietly planning something else? Or - Or - And what about Nikos? Nikos is liberty-minded, too, but she'd thought that about Flint, and he'd...
She stops dead in her tracks and slumps backwards against a wall. She knows it's dramatic, and that she's being dramatic, but she feels like she just can't take it, that she needs to scream. ]
I don't know. I don't know. It feels like - like everyone's got an agenda, or secrets, and I thought I understood the people here but I guess I don't at all, and I just feel so stupid, Bartimaeus, and I just don't know. There are people who I really thought would help me but they're not, they're siding against me, and I don't know who I can count on except for -
[ Except for you. But that's so stupid, isn't it? ]
I don't know.
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But also, it's a little novel isn't it? Not the part where she's miserable - let's be honest, humans have an incredible capacity for it -, but the part where they're... well, where they're having a nice conversation about something that doesn't have anything to do with magicians or spirits or what he does or doesn't owe her. Hard for her, maybe, but that's not really his problem now is it?
Poor kid.
The boy shifts all the way back around to face her properly. He stands there in the narrow of the crooked alley and regards her with hands on hips. After a moment in which he allows her to wallow, Bartimaeus says:]
I hate to break it to you, but it sounds like you might have a few agendas and secrets of your own.
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[ She wipes the back of her hand across her nose. ]
I wouldn't betray someone for them.
[ Clearly, the avowed traitor has a fairly narrow and exclusionary definition of what constitutes betrayal. ]
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Honestly, I don't know why you're surprised. Wars are a nasty business.
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Yeah, I know. And it's all happened before. Honestly, sometimes I almost understand why you are the way you are.
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[But let's not go down this path where they start talking about him again. Don't get him wrong, the initial ego boost is delightful - he's just seen where this ends and would rather avoid it, thank you.]
Like it or not, you can't do this on your own. And frankly, it's a bit egotistical to moan on about it. Maybe if what you wanted was something reasonable like a nice hot fish pie, or to be a hermit in the woods but your agenda [It's a good word.] seems to be rather more far reaching than either of those. And honestly, even the fish pie gets dicey - who's catching that fish, eh? Stroppy London lass like you probably doesn't know the first thing about a hook and line.
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[ Sort of. Desperate people fish in London. She'd never eat a fish out of the Thames. She's not even sure if there are fish left in the Thames.
Anyway, that's not the point - ]
And no one else sees my agenda as being that - important. Everyone's just focused on fighting Corypheus and beating him.
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What?
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What.
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Have you heard anything they talk about? Those people couldn't agree on the color of the sky, much less what they're focused on.
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[ She gives a small noise of frustration. ]
They're not focused on the long-term stuff. That, you'll acknowledge, right?
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Not for humans.
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They might be in a better position if it doesn't get won. No Archon to come back and built up all the old rules of slavery again.
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You've lost me. It doesn't sound like any of Corypheus' friends are terribly interested in liberating anyone either. Except for maybe everything in the Fade, but I tell you - that's complete hogwash if I ever heard it.
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Well, he's completely mad, isn't he? A mad person will be easier to overthrow than a sane one.
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But we're getting away from the point. The point is, you say that what you want is long term and everything else isn't and that'll be the question that gets asked first by anyone with sense. What makes your thing so special compared to, I don't know, mage rights or something to do with the Chantry. The alienage? What are we crying about this week?
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[ She looks at him, chin lifted. ]
It's what you said to me before. Back in our world. It's - it's not the little things that matter, who's in charge, who's winning which war. Right? It's historical patterns of injustice and warfare. It's - the way that violence just swings back and forth and never really goes away. That's what's actually important. And that's what no one cares about solving.
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Yes, I suppose I did say that. It doesn't exactly help keep you from being thrown into some deep dark dungeon though, now does it? Not that it seems like that Artemaeus [Ugh. He hates that.] is having such a hard time of it.
So, hey! Maybe you're worrying over nothing.
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Benedict is a fool and a coward who's happy to have all of his choices taken away from him so that life gets easier.
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Geeze. Get this kid a hobby; her brain's going to melt out both ears.]
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Don't whistle at me. It's what he said to me. Oh, Kitty, tell me what to do, I'll do whatever you tell me to.
[ Is this relevant? No. Does she want to bitch? Yes. ]
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